Hey friends!
I want to start this by wishing everyone a Happy Pride! Recently, I was reminded of how bad we are as queer people at teaching our own history both to each other and to our allies. One of my friend's wife came out recently and filed for divorce. She said to me, probably thinking she instantly had me on her side as a queer brother, that everyone was upset with her, despite having an accepting family - she was not the first of her siblings to be 'family.' The problem, you see, wasn't that she was finally living her authentic self, but that it felt solely performative. She actually said to me "when does being gay get fun?" She wanted to know why she wasn't being congratulated? And she continued with " Isn't Pride a big party?" She had had no clue why we celebrate Pride. And she seemed to think that coming out would make life simpler and easier. It had never crossed her mind the fight that each queer person I've ever known has had with themselves. I don't know a single queer person who hasn't cried themselves to sleep wishing and praying to not be different. And she didn't get the idea that coming out is a daily event. You don't just come out and be done, it's an event that happens every single day. Begrudgingly, I took the time to have a conversation about what the struggle journey of self, coming out is. And I explained the history and protest Pride grew out of. I told her about Stonewall and to do her own research, that Pride is a celebration, it's an act of defiance and protest. It's a statement of 'you try to hide us, you want us to hide so you can pretend we don't we don't exist, well we're gonna be here as loud and visible as we can." It's an act of public protest. She replied that she felt "cheated and lied to." It almost felt like she had gay buyers remorse. I was beyond angry and it took so much out of me not not lash out. All of this to say that we need to do better, we need to teach our history, we need to remember that Pride is about celebrating that despite our oppressors, we thrive. We celebrate to show our queer brothers and sister that they have a community. But we also need to do better. we are too exclusionary. There are our queer siblings everywhere, not just gay and lesbian. Trans siblings are as ever-present as the rest of our siblings and we need to remember that they are part of our community. We must love and support each other. And we must remember that we aren't the gatekeepers who define what one person's identity of self-queerness is. This was a lesson that this experience reminded me. Despite my anger and offense at how this young woman decide to come out, and her misunderstands, I don't get to discount her. I can't say, 'you aren't in this community.' Only she can define what her queer self its. So despite my anger at how she did it and if she is being true, it's not mine to define. It's mine simply to be in community with my queer siblings; as it is for us all, and for me to simply remind each and everyone of you: You are seen; you are loved; you matter. Happy Pride!
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Hi Friends!
I hope you guys have all had a brilliant spring so far. Or, at least a spring that's better than last year was and as wonderful as can be had in this late-stage Covid-tide. I just wanted to give you a few updates, since I know it's been a little while since I unloaded my everyday carry on you. First up is an announcement about Thy Choicest Gifts. If you've been following along on my Facebook page, or on Instagram, you'll have seen that I've finished the last bits of edits for Thy Choicest Gifts. It's been a little bittersweet because I know that it means that it's almost time for me to let these amazing characters go, to hand them over to you guys. Which leads to the next part. My cover artist will be getting me the finished cover for Thy Choicest Gifts soon which means I'll get to reveal it to you guys soon! I can't wait for you to see it, so keep a look out for it. That also means that I'll be giving you guys a release date soon. I'll give you guys that with the cover! But, I promise it's soon. Before the end of the summer. That brings me to the next announcement. Just as I wrapped up Thy Choicest Gifts, I was struck with another idea. I'm not gonna give you guys too much information on that other than to tell you guys to keep your eyes open for some fun facts soon about the characters of Jase Grimm and Harrison Eklund as they start their adventure in Armageddon Boys. Next is the news about the first book in the Cryptid Chronicles series. It's really come a long way from where it was more than 11 years ago, when Aiden and Adelaide were just sparks of characters. They've developed into people who I love more now than I ever did when I started working on them - or rather started working with them. Aiden and Adelaide have always been some of my most headstrong and free minded characters and I admit, more than once, they completely derailed what I had planned for them. But it's been so amazing to watch them grow. I'll be getting the draft back from my AMAZING editor soon and then I'll be making some tweaks. There are a few people who will get first looks, but the plan is for the first book to be in your hands in early 2022! Which is approaching way too fast! This also means that the second book in the series is really progressing and I think I'll have a completed and polished first draft by the end of summer, which is just... way too weird to think about. The first book took more than a decade, the second book will be about three years. Maybe book three will be a year! I doubt it, but stranger things have happened, the first draft of Opportunity took just under three months, and the first draft of Thy Choicest Gifts was five months. So I guess it's possible. Also, I've got a title reveal for the first book in the Cryptid Chronicles coming down the pike for you this summer too, so keep your eyes open for that. Finally, I've mentioned this a few times now, but I've started working with an incredible editor, Janel Baker, who is helping to make Cryptid Chronicles the best series it can be. Janel is so incredible to work with both taking the time to understand my own process as an author but also to help make sure that plot bunnies don't steal the story. Cryptids has been such an undertaking over the past years that I can't imagine releasing it without ensuring that it's the best it could ever be and Janel is devoting so much to making sure that that's the case. She also didn't shy away when I sent her my list of WIPs (twenty-one projects at present) which, let's be honest, is an intimidating number, even for me, and it's sometimes tough to keep everything straight. That's why I've ALWAYS got my Story Supply Co. pocket notebook on me. But digressing a bit, Janel is going to be a huge help making sure my books are the best possible books for a long time to come. She's even started helping arrange my notes on Armageddon Boys. I hope you all have an incredible spring. I know I've got a fairly loaded spring and I'll keep you guys in the loop on what that means. Talk to you soon, friends! Hey friends! I can call you guys friends, right? We've had a few talks? We're in that place, right? Anyway... Hi friends!!!! It's been a busy few weeks. Lots going on personally and professionally. Thy Choicest Gifts is off to my close group of draft readers, my friends who I trust to give me some good feed back for the next (maybe final) draft; and the first book of the Cryptid Chronicles is now with my amazing new editor (more on that to come in a future post!) On top of all of that, I got my first round of the Covid-19 vaccine a little over a week ago and I'm staring into the second does with anticipation! But I've also been keeping up on my reading; books, blogs, all sorts of stuff. And now, I know that I'm A LONG WAY behind the trend here, but I've been looking at what I have with me all the time; the classic 'Every Day Carry' concept. I keep seeing an interesting take on it, that you can tell a lot about a person by what they have with them everyday; about what they prioritize to keep on their person and what is either necessity or important enough that it's worth the precious space in a pocket or bag, and the time and energy it takes to collect those items each morning. And that got me wondering; what do I carry with me? What does my 'Everyday Carry' say about me? Why do I choose to take those items with me? So I decided to examine it and drag you poor saps... I mean... my precious friends along for the ride... So let's dive in! Okay, first off, it's a little weird to see most of my whole day just laid out like that. Somehow it feels like a lot of stuff just dumped out but it also feels strangely vulnerable. Like almost every thing I dow is laid out there and it kinda feels insignificant. And I think that's okay. So... Wanna dive in and take a look? Let's go. First off I guess we should talk about my iPhone, because... well it's rather ubiquitous. Data shows that of the smartphones used in the United States, 60.75% are iPhones. Not too bad if you own any Apple stock. Besides the obvious; voice, text, email... you know, the same boring crap that just about every iPhone user uses it for, I also keep a running tally of what books I'm working on and their approximate word count... ya know, just so I can wallow in the self doubt that I'll ever finish another book again... For those days when the crushing existential dread isn't enough. At this point, I'm compelled to tell you that I've been taken prisoner. Moving on! Next up, I guess is my iPad. It's not a big deal, nothing special in terms of iPads. In fact it's a little old. It's a fifth generation! Gasp! But I mostly use it to read on and to do some research, so it's more than adequate for what I need (read* wants a new one...) Next is my MacBook Pro... First I'm gonna point out, that yes, I am one of those people who put stickers and crap on their computers. And before you criticize me, let me remind you that this whole post is about the concept of what the things we carry say about us, about how what we carry and how we carry it is an expression of self. Now you may mock me. Now that we've all had a good laugh at my expense, let's talk about the actual computer. This is my favorite machine to work on (as you can see, I took this picture while writing this! You are looking at me talking to you! Take that shit, Christopher Nolan!) But in all seriousness. I love this computer. I wrote most of Opportunity on it, and nearly all of Thy Choicest Gifts on it. You might have also noticed a theme here. All the tech is Apple... that's because I lovingly refer to myself as an iFag. I'm happily a member of the cult of Apple. Ok... next. Okay, let's talk about my wallet. I've had this wallet for a while now and I love it. It from OCD Experience and it's the best wallet I've had (I've gone through a lot, I'm rough on them) It's got room for all my cards, a money clip and pocket behind the money clip (the pocket is holding my WHYY membership card. WHYY is our local NPR station and we're so happy to support them. You should check out your local NPR station and support them too, if you're able) We can also talk about the Starbucks gold rewards card, because yea, I'm that kinda gay. Alright, so "one of these things is not like the others." To be perfectly honest, I didn't think I was ever the type of guy who would carry a 'multi-tool.' The whole idea seemed ridiculous to me... but I received this in a subscription box and thought, 'what the hell.' It's only the size of a credit card, maybe even a little smaller, so it's no real cost in terms of space or weight, and I can't tell you how many times I've actually used it. Granted, mostly to open Amazon packages or a Stella Artois, and if I'm being perfectly honest, I haven't a clue what some of those hole thingies are for, but hell, I'm sure I can come up with a use for 'em. Okay, these are my two most commonly used pens. the silver one is actually a cheap, Zebra V-301 fountain pen. It's under $5 but it writes pretty nicely and it's the body of the pen is all metal. It's a great pen for frequent use. But ya know what's an even better pen? The blue one. That my friends is my Montblanc. Is it bougie AF? Oh hell yes? Did I pay WAY too much for it? Well let's just say that you people need to start buying books to pay for it (kidding, mostly) Was it worth the money? Oh fuck yes! I've never felt anything that writes like a Montblanc. It glides over the page with such amazing ease. Like Holy God! I love that thing. I mean, I probably wouldn't give up my first born for it, but... I'd probably take longer than I really should to consider it. Okay this one seems a little silly. It's just a canvas little pen case, but I tend to carry more pens and little stickies and crap then there are slots for in a messenger bag or briefcase. I just shove everything (but the Montblanc) in there, toss it in a bag with the rest of my stuff and off I go. And it's cute, with the little quill and quote. Right, it only makes sense that I should like to keep a notebook on me, and while I've got a few favorites that I love, just ask my friend Jesse, he got a whole, unsolicited review of about 30 different notebooks, in video format after a really simple question about which I prefer. This one is nice because it tends to lay pretty flat, which makes it a lot easier when I'm making rushed sloppy notes. Plus you can't tell me that you don't think this is a cute ass notebook. But the thing is, I don't always like to cart around a full notebook... That's where the next item comes in. Okay, this is my favorite pocket sized thing here (the Montblanc does NOT go in my pocket). This little guy is a pocket notebook inside of a leather notebook cover. It fits easily in my back pocket and is beat up a bit because I end up sitting on it but I love this thing. The notebook slips right out to be replaced. I prefer the dot grid format. I had to do some redaction there... You're not ready for those facts yet! Both the cover and the notebook are from Story Supply Company, a small company based in York, Pa. Check them out! Okay, so this seems like it's a no brainer, but a flashdrive is kinda important. This one is just 2 gb. This is the last thing, I think. This small case is great. It holds my MacBook and charger, iPad, all my gizmos and crap and was pretty affordable. I was given the patch and was like, "Hell yeah, that's goin' on there!" I can't think of much more to say...
Um... so yeah. I think that's about it. If I think of anything more I'll certainly update. I'm not really sure what all this says about me, other than "WRITER!" haha, but I hope you enjoyed this weird little look into me... Talk to ya soon. And remember: You are seen, you are loved, you matter. Hey Friends!
I really hope 2021 is treating everyone better than 2020 did. I don't know what everyone's been doing but I've been trying to keep busy. I've been plodding my way through the first draft of Thy Choicest Gifts and I was so excited when I finished the first draft last Tuesday night. I dove in pretty quickly to start working on line edits and finished the first round of line edits on Saturday, which now comes the task of incorporating the edits, notes and continuity checks into a second draft. Then comes the hardest part. Letting it sit. Critical distances is an important part of the process for me. If I come back too quickly after finishing the second draft, I'll miss glaring errors. I also use that time to give it to a few very close friends for a 'comment period.' I sent the very, VERY, rough, first draft to another author friend and got back some lovely comments. That'll help when I come back to the manuscript a few weeks later to create the third draft. In that fun, in between time, I'll be refocusing my attention on the second book in the Cryptid Chronicles series. The first book of the series coming along and I've finished a third draft for it and I'm letting it sit a while before going back for a final polish. I can't tell you what a mess that first draft was! The original manuscript spanned ten years and at least five complete rewrites before I had a manuscript that I was happy with enough to call a finished first draft. With so much stewing for what I hope will be 2021 and 2022 releases, it gets a little chaotic sometimes. Sometimes it feels like the different characters are warring to tell their own stories, or their worlds are battling for precedence. It makes me think of a few quotes about writing. Hemmingway wasn't wrong when he said, "There is nothing to writing; all you do is sit down at a typewriter and bleed." And that's okay, because the flip side is the that for as hard and easy it is at the same time, it's also "the only thing that, when I do it, I don't feel like I should be doing something else." (Just gonna through in some Gloria Steinem for ya!) My two favorite quotes about writers come from Carson McCullers and Victor Hugo. McCullers said "the writer is by nature, a dreamer; a conscious dreamer," and Hugo wrote "a writer is a world trapped in a body." You see, for me, the struggle and pain, the blood letting so to speak, the tears and laughter, are all part of the process. From the draft to the edits to the final polish. Even comments bring the same feelings about. You remember what you wrote and why. You'll find in Thy Choicest Gifts a few passages where I put more of myself into it that I expected and that's okay, it's part of that trapped world, struggling to get out. Is there ever anything quite so satisfying as checking things off on a list? After the hellscape that was 2020, it's really nice to think that we *might* be nearing the finish line. Rays of hope are in sight! Now let's not delude ourselves into thinking that life is just gonna pop back to normal. I think it's going to be a slow and incremental process, and I think it's likely that we'll be wearing masks for at least another year or so, but the we're getting there, I truly believe that.
In that same spirit of expectation, I have started planning out my year. Now I know that I'm a little behind, it is February after all (it's February?!?!) and I completely missed a month, but I've started! And ya know what? It's filling up fast. I'm setting deadlines for my manuscripts to come - realistic ones, ones that aren't going to fly past at supersonic speeds cackling mockingly at me as they go. I've been able to plot out some events that I am doing and am hoping to do, and I'm also planning grace. Just because the light is starting to shine at the end of the tunnel, doesn't mean that we can start being unnecessarily cruel to ourselves. We are still experiencing a global trauma and none of us are functioning tip top. This is a period where we have to be able to forgive ourselves when we don't meet our own expectations. I admit that there have been periods of feast or famine in terms of creative creation. Here in Philadelphia we've recently had two snow days on the heels of a weekend. I planned to devote those two 'bonus days' to writing, to getting ahead of my own schedule. I did a little rearranging in my study, I got all situated, lit a wonderful scented candle, opened the miniblinds and settled in to write. I took a look out the window and before I had any clue what had happened, three hours had passed - of me just looking out the window. I have no clue how that happened. I don't think I looked away that whole time. I instantly hated myself. I'd lost three hours of work from just staring away, I can't even tell you what I'd been thinking about! Which infuriated me even further. Where was my self-discipline! BUT that was three hours that was never actually planned on. It was three hours in a day that was already like a free space on a bingo card. And my mind surely must have needed a reset time. Periods like these are going to happen. They happen everyday, and probably a little more frequently right now. We've got to allow ourselves to have those times of just being. And we've got to take care of ourselves, not just physically, but emotionally and mentally. If that means going for a socially distanced walk, do it! If it means screaming into a pillow, do it! (Try not to scare your pet, children, housemates, ghosts or even your houseplants) If you need to binge watch some Netflix, do it. (I usually escape to Star Trek or the Great British Baking Show!) Read a book (I hear there's a great book called Opportunity out now [shameless self promotion]) And talk to someone. If you need to, contact a therapist, there is no shame in taking care of yourself! I'm not ashamed to tell you that I speak to a therapist twice a month. Don't let the ignorance of other stop you from making sure you're well taken care of. There is no more courageous sentence than 'I need help.' If you just want someone to talk to, not necessarily a professional, find a friends, someone you trust. Hell, I'll even listen. I can't promise that I'm always available to be back and forth, but I'm always happy to listen. And I can't promise that I've got any advice, but I'll listen. And your friends will listen, and those who love you will listen - because they love you. This became a long rambling thing that I didn't plan on but, hey, I think it needed to be said. I hope 2021 is an amazing year for you, for me and for all we love. We're in this together, but from other places (which works fine for me. Like Frasier said, "I'm here for you. And you're over there for me.") Which brings me to one other thing that I want to say in this random stream of consciousness. We've probably all seen the meme that says "Introverts have been preparing for this their whole lives." While there is some truth to that, that doesn't mean that we aren't struggling too. This is hard for all of us. Check on your introvert friends too. We all need care and love right now! And above all, remember; you are seen, you are loved, you matter! Well guys, as of today Opportunity has been available for two weeks, and I gotta say, these have been some of the weirdest, anxiety fueled two weeks of my life! I can only think of maybe 3 or 4 other spans of time that have been more 'white knuckles' than this. Releasing a book feels so much more vulnerable than I'd ever imagined. It's sort of like... when it's just a file on my computer or an idea in my head, I can protect the story, the characters... But once it's out there, it has this feeling like I've lost control of it - and ya know what? That's okay. The story is something I love enough to want others to experience it. They say that you should write the story you want to read. And Opportunity is definitely a story that I wanted; I wanted the adventure of it, and as I got to know Joshua and Benji during the development phase, I wanted their romance. And surely if I wanted it, someone else does too. All of that is a long and meandering way to talk about the development process. Now that you've got it in your hands; now that you can see the boys and their trials, I thought I'd share a large part of the process for me. When I'm writing, the background music is one of the most important parts of the environment that I create. Very early on, I create a playlist for that story, a sort of soundtrack, if you will. I thought it might be interesting to share that playlist with you. So here are the tracks that I listened to during the writing of Opportunity.
So you might have noticed that the two songs from Dear Evan Hanson have a couple asterisks by them. That's because these come from special recordings, not the Broadway Cast Albums. *The Only Us version is from a series of videos the production put out and it's amazing. ** The version of Waving Through a Window that I used was this video done for Broadway.com. Wow! What a ride the last few days have been! It's sorta been a whirlwind. Last Thursday, I received the proof for Opportunity and spent the last few days marking it up and making small notes in it. And last night was the last part, making the final changes, approving them and sending it off. It's been a long road for this book, and it's been crazy emotional as I've prepared to hand these characters I've come to love over to the world.
It's funny really; this whole story came to me following a vacation - a trip through the Kennedy Space Center and seeing the retired orbiter Atlantis. From those few hours at KSC, an idea blossomed into a story that felt like it needed to be told. There have been moments where I've sat, staring at the computer screen thinking "what the hell is this crap?" and there have been moments where I've gone back and thought "damn, this is something I'd read." In the end, after all the tears and triumphs Opportunity has been the catalyst for, I can honestly that I am incredibly happy with the result. And so, I am so incredibly excited to hand this story over to the world. I really hope you love these characters as much as I have. Joshua and Benji are yours now. What a weird year, huh? I don't know if you've experienced it the same way I have, but the way this year has passed just feels so odd - like the embodiment of The Doctor's 'wibbly wobbly timey wimey.'
Each day and even week feels like it's just crawling by, but when I look at the calendar, it hardly seems possible that we're at the end of October. Fall is usually my favorite time of the year. I love the crunch and smell of leaves, the warmth of a bonfire and that amazing feeling of holding a big, hot mug of tea in your hands - feeling that warmth radiate into your fingers. There's nothing like pulling on a big, 'lumpy' sweater that's just so big you're practically swimming in it. But this fall just feels different. Off somehow, like somehow, 2020 is a year displaced by time. It reminds me a little of how time seems to flow in C.S. Lewis' classic series, The Chronicles of Narnia. Each time the protagonists went to Narnia, there was no way of knowing how much time had passed there, even if only months had passed in their world. That's kinda how I feel this year. I look at a calendar and think 'surely just a week or so has passed,' only to see it's been a month and a half. But also the opposite, I've thought 'I'm sure I've only got a week or so more to wait for [insert particular event here] only to see it's still months away. I suddenly understand the Pevensie children so much better than I ever thought I would. It's been that way for writing this year also. There have been days that have felt incredibly productive, days where I look at my word count for the day and it's between 8,500 and 10,000 words; followed by days where the very thought of sitting down to create is painful. I admit that there have been days when I've wasted the whole day without writing a single word and have felt guilty afterwards- as though each day without at least trying to write is an offense to nature. And in all honestly, nothing ever feels quite as right as writing. I feel the Gloria Steinem quote "writing is the only thing I do that I don't feel I should be doing something else" in my very soul. Writing is a painful yet incredible experience. I cannot imagine my life with out it. And yet it is one of the hardest endeavors I embark on. It is euphoria and torment. It is rapid and glacial. It is peace. This National Coming Out Day is a little different that most, but the importance is there none-the-less.
Isn’t it amazing the difference 15 years can make. I came out in the fall of 2005, just barely 18yo. And it wasn’t an easy road to get to that point (and not always easy since.) But I can say that I cannot imagine not having come out. For me it was a long road of self-loathing and fear that took a long time to get to self acceptance. Along the way, I’ve had family and friends who were there every step of the way. Along the way I’ve gathered an entire community around myself and my husband of the most amazing people who love and support us. Most LGBTQ people know that coming out is not a single event but a process that takes all our lives. We come out every time we meet new people. It’s a frightening and liberating thing that never stops. To me, the celebration of Coming Out Day isn’t specifically a day for us to come out but a chance to remind those of us who are out that while we celebrate, not everyone is ready or in a place that they feel safe enough to come out; and a chance to remind those that aren’t out that that’s okay. It’s okay to come out in the time and place of your choosing and when you feel safe. It’s a chance to remind those who aren’t out yet that it’s not a road that needs to be walked alone. There’s a community of people who have or are walking this path too. To tell those who aren’t out, “you are seen; you are loved; you matter.” |